I like to watch a character having two conversations at the same time, one in her/his head, and the other out loud. In Members of the Cast, Margo’s inner voice runs in different directions. In the examples below, I changed the names of the characters Margo interacts with to avoid spoilers.
I use italics to show the inner thoughts of my main character. There are other techniques. Once, an agent asked why I was putting things in italics. Silly me; I thought the technique was universal.
In this first example, we find Margo on the couch after an injury, and Dale Simpson comes to check on her.
“Hi.” Dale Simpson’s in the living room, and I’m on the couch in flannel pajamas!
Moments later we find this:
“I’ll be fine.” Dale came to check on me!
and
“How did you know where I lived?” Does him being here mean anything?
A little later—
Dale looked from the piano to the entry hall and back to Margo.
Does he want to escape? Desperate for him to stay, she said, “Sit down?”
In the following example, Margo is being introduced by a boy she has a crush on.
“See, Sam. What did I tell you? You’ll make new friends in no time. This is Margo.”
You could’ve said ‘my friend’ Margo? “Glad to meet you, Sam.”
There are times Margo is only half in the conversation. In this next scene, Grace is totally involved in the basketball practice, and Margo can think of nothing but Dale. I decided to not have her think each of these things, allowing the narrator to let us know what is in her head.
They climbed halfway up the bleachers before they found a spot that suited Grace. “It’s all psychology. We want to be high enough that the boys look small.”
Dale wasn’t on the court.
“Watch the passes. They’re really pouring it on. At tryouts, they’ll probably really burn it in, hoping we muff it. We’ll see about that.”
Dale Simpson was not at practice.
“Oh, great going Bob,” Grace snarled. “What a butterfingers.”
Dale had been there at lunchtime. She had learned to spot him standing against the lockers with the other basketball players. Maybe he was sick.
I hope you are amused with these dual conversations. Was amused the best word? Diverted is too Austen-esque. I have dual conversations going on in my head, and am guessing you do too. I wonder what they will think of this blog edition?
Link to Members of the Cast on Amazon.
304 total views, 1 views today
