This chatty blog is not going to settle any deep problems associated with writing.
I spent hours writing Members of the Cast. Days. Months. Years. There is nothing unusual about that. I have yammered on and on about editing, getting the words right, and listening to Beta readers and Critique Partners. I spent years building my platform, which made sales the first month spectacular and continues to make connections with readers. I support other Indi authors and try to be a good guy. But, I never thought about autographing books, and it turns out that this is problematic.
Penmanship
I don’t remember anyone saying, “George has a lovely hand.” Unfortunately, age is not improving my penmanship skills. I am not even good at signing my name. I write about four checks a year. I scribble on credit card slips. During the last presidential election, I had to sign my mail-in ballot. I practiced my signature in an attempt to restore it to its former glory. My signature is morphing so much, I worry that when my great-great grandkids take a copy of Members of the Cast to the “Antiques Road Show,” the expert will say, “This signature is a forgery.”
Who Am I?
I am not confused by who I am. The problem is that I have always signed my name George E. Beckman. I have no idea why. My grandfather was also George, and perhaps my mother thought I should use the E. I have never liked how my signature appears, especially with that E stuck in the middle. Members of the Cast George Beckman, is on the cover. If I were to sign with the E, folks might wonder, “Who’s George E. Beckman?” This could lead to folks wondering about my middle name, which could only lead to embarrassment. All I can say is, “What were my folks thinking?”
Who Are You?
On MASH, Winchester spends a drunken night with a woman. He fears they are married. When he finds out they are not married, he hesitates, and you think he’s going to ask if they slept together. Then he says, “What is your name?”
I fear I will be sitting at a table staring blankly at a person who seems to know me. I will flash a smile and say, “Golly, it’s good to see you,” all the while thinking, “Susan? Joanie?” A simple ploy would be to say, “Who would you like this made out to?” At this point, having her say “Grace” would be music to my ears. Grace is easy and doesn’t have many variations. “Lakshmi” wouldn’t be bad because Lakshmi has had to spell her name to many dumb old white guys.
Spelling
I don’t have spell check when writing by hand, but that’s OK because I can spell common words I might use when signing a book. I will make every effort not to use “lose,” which all too often I type “loose.” My problem is, how does Tammi—Tammy—Tammie spell her name? Tami? Standard phonics knowledge would say no, but maybe Tami’s mother didn’t have a firm grasp on phonetic rules.
What to Say
“Enjoy!” seems a bit brief. “Hope you enjoy the book” sounds as if I’m unsure my book is enjoyable. When someone says, “This is for my friend,” I get even more pen-tied. I may know the person standing before me, but the friend? I am naturally friendly and could ask. So far, I have not had a line of eager devotees stretching for blocks while I try to remember how Cindi spells her name. Years ago, I asked for a job recommendation. The person said, “You write it, and I will sign it.” I didn’t do that, so asking someone to help autograph my book seems in poor taste.
Perhaps it is time to apply the technique Mr. Collins of Pride and Prejudice uses for compliments: “~and though I sometimes amuse myself with suggesting and arranging such little elegant compliments as may be adapted to ordinary occasions, I always wish to give them as unstudied an air as possible.”
For an unautographed copy of Members of the Cast, click here. It will probably fetch a higher estimate on the “Antiques Road Show” when not marred by my scrawl.
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